Monday was my birthday and throughout the day I kept being mindful of things that would have bothered me a year or two years ago that don't today.
Working on my birthday.
Being single.
50/50 contentment at my job.
I shrug them off and keep it moving.
Yet one thing that stung and lingered is the ending of two friendships. Two friends that I thought would be in my camp for LIFE. They have seen me through happiness-is-life-at-this-moment and some really fucked up, rough, I'm your shoulder/rock when you need it times. But time and experiences change people. They changed me.
I could have continued with the friendships. Stood by while one said hurtful things and the other said nothing at all.
A friendship in memory only.
I could have waited for time and experience to work their magic and brings back what I was missing. Eventually it would have happened, it did in the past.
These two friends weren't part of a threesome. I was friends with each separately. So to lose both at the same time should have reeked havoc on my emotions...it didn't, not in the way I thought it would.
I had time to plan. I played a loop of ending things in the back of my mind every time something good or bad happened. While the friendships weren't near deaths door, hanging on by a thread they weren't tightly bound either.
As each day went by I thought "This isn't too bad. I want to call her but..."
I didn't want to fight it, or whine about it. I didn't want to have text go unanswered. Or hear the "beep" of leave a message.
Effort is a two way street.
I took a page from their playbook and I dropped it.
I deleted and blocked both on FB. Not because I am angry or hate them. I didn't want reminders of what I let go of in the process of growing up.
I still love them and wish them all the best in life.
But...
These two women were the first to tell me over and over...never beg anyone to stay when all signs show they want to go.
On my birthday one showed signs she wants to reconnect, complete with text and email. The reasons behind my choice to break contact don't give me much room for self respect in my eyes. No reunions here.
Even if we are due for one...since the last time she spoke to me was November 18, 2012
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Less is more
Another hair post...I was asked to do this one and even if I wasn't it is still a post I want to do.
It wasn't my intention to go natural. I fell into it by deciding to
grow my hair out. For the better part of 13 years I used Dax hair
grease on my shaved head.
As long as my scalp wasn't dry I was good.
But as my hair grew my needs grew. One month into it I was on the hunt.
I knew nothing about hair so I went to Google and YouTube to find info.
Once I decided to let my hair grow I put in a relaxer thinking that would make my hair easier to maintain...but with an inch or so of growth maintenance wasn't pretty. This is when I "decided" to go natural.
My current routine is very simple. I use three to four products every time on my 4c hair.
I wash my hair daily, or at least 5 times out of the 7 days of the week. If I don't wash I spray with with water or drown it in water while in the shower.
I have used moisturizing conditioners to co-wash but none left me feeling wowed. I have found cleansing conditioner work better with my hair.
My first staple was L'Oreal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner
I LOVE this stuff. It leaves my hair buttery soft. Can't talk on manageability because...when I was using it I didn't have much.
Note past tense because I can't find it :( Every single drugstore I go to I come up short. I refuse to order online. My product junkie tendencies dictate that I have easy access to my addictions.
My 2nd favorite is another L'Oreal cleansing conditioner. This one
is designed for curls whereas the EverCreme is all about the moisture. I like how the EverCurl leaves my hair clean but not dry.
Both conditioners I would call thick, the EverCreme has more slip. Both have the same light powdery perfume scent. I can't tell if the scent last because
(a) I'm putting other scented products in my hair after.
(b) I can't smell my hair....
Sadly the EverCurl has not been seen on shelves during my last two shopping trips :-(
Once out of the shower I pat my hair dry a few times then I apply my moisturizer. S-Curl makes my hair soft, bottom line. It does nothing to play up my curls. In fact I "think" because of the glycerine my curls are a big flop if I use this alone.
I am in the market for a new moisturizer. Always on the hunt.
Depending on what styling product I am using that day determines how much I let my hair air dry.
If I am using my Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie
I will use it on slightly wet, damp hair. Gather up product and run my fingers through my hair. This product makes my curls POP. It was the first product I bought for my curls and frankly had I not seen such amazing results I doubt I would have continued letting my hair grow.
If I am using my Eco Styler with Olive Oil
I have to have wet to soaking wet hair. Again I get POPPING curls with this. But when I first tried I didn't know that my hair needed to be soaking wet. My curls weren't popping and I almost wrote it off until I used my sister's
This gel is the bees knees but it is also expensive :-( Curl Enhancing Smoothie isn't cheap when compared to Eco Styler, but it has better ingredients. Something I am learning to be more aware of as my hair grows.
Product is in, I let it set for a few while I go get ready for my day. As my hair dries I spritz with a mixture of water, castor oil, jojoba oil, and coconut oil. To me the oils help soften my hair and make it less crunchy.
If I remember I put some Jamaican Black Castor oil on my edges. Relaxers and poor braiding left front edges invisible. The Jamaican Black Castor oil has helped bring them back to life.
I've read people using regular castor oil and having good results also.
To finish I might use a "finishing spray" to make my hair shine. Some days I feel I need it, some I don't.
Once a week I wash my hair with a clarifying shampoo. My fave is
I do this once I week because I put a lot of stuff in my hair. The product builds up fast. In the last month I have been adding a deep conditioner to the mix. I haven't found one that I love. So I will have to get back to you on that.
I don't have a dryer (most deep conditioners recommend that you use while sitting under a dryer) so I use my shower cap. It is made from heavier plastic (think shower curtain) and leave on my head for 30 minutes...next time I want to leave on for an hour.
When I come home I don't comb out my curls. I put on my satin bonnet or tie with a satin scarf. Any combing that is done is usually done in the shower under water.
The collage is post two months but I look the same...just more. Shrinkage is a major problem for me. When I get length I will play with techniques on stretching.
Below is me when I used a comb. I wanted to see if I had enough hair to get braids for the winter.
(I want major props for posting that photo, lol)
I'm hoping to have my protective style (i.e. braids) soon. I will do another post then on how I care for my hair and scalp.
If you are starting out on your own hair journey remember that less is more. You can always add more product(s) but you can't take away once you have applied.
What products do you use in your haircare routine?
It wasn't my intention to go natural. I fell into it by deciding to
grow my hair out. For the better part of 13 years I used Dax hair
grease on my shaved head.
As long as my scalp wasn't dry I was good.
But as my hair grew my needs grew. One month into it I was on the hunt.
I knew nothing about hair so I went to Google and YouTube to find info.
Once I decided to let my hair grow I put in a relaxer thinking that would make my hair easier to maintain...but with an inch or so of growth maintenance wasn't pretty. This is when I "decided" to go natural.
My current routine is very simple. I use three to four products every time on my 4c hair.
I wash my hair daily, or at least 5 times out of the 7 days of the week. If I don't wash I spray with with water or drown it in water while in the shower.
I have used moisturizing conditioners to co-wash but none left me feeling wowed. I have found cleansing conditioner work better with my hair.
My first staple was L'Oreal EverCreme Cleansing Conditioner
I LOVE this stuff. It leaves my hair buttery soft. Can't talk on manageability because...when I was using it I didn't have much.
Note past tense because I can't find it :( Every single drugstore I go to I come up short. I refuse to order online. My product junkie tendencies dictate that I have easy access to my addictions.
My 2nd favorite is another L'Oreal cleansing conditioner. This one
is designed for curls whereas the EverCreme is all about the moisture. I like how the EverCurl leaves my hair clean but not dry.
Both conditioners I would call thick, the EverCreme has more slip. Both have the same light powdery perfume scent. I can't tell if the scent last because
(a) I'm putting other scented products in my hair after.
(b) I can't smell my hair....
Sadly the EverCurl has not been seen on shelves during my last two shopping trips :-(
Once out of the shower I pat my hair dry a few times then I apply my moisturizer. S-Curl makes my hair soft, bottom line. It does nothing to play up my curls. In fact I "think" because of the glycerine my curls are a big flop if I use this alone.
I am in the market for a new moisturizer. Always on the hunt.
Depending on what styling product I am using that day determines how much I let my hair air dry.
If I am using my Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie
I will use it on slightly wet, damp hair. Gather up product and run my fingers through my hair. This product makes my curls POP. It was the first product I bought for my curls and frankly had I not seen such amazing results I doubt I would have continued letting my hair grow.
If I am using my Eco Styler with Olive Oil
I have to have wet to soaking wet hair. Again I get POPPING curls with this. But when I first tried I didn't know that my hair needed to be soaking wet. My curls weren't popping and I almost wrote it off until I used my sister's
This gel is the bees knees but it is also expensive :-( Curl Enhancing Smoothie isn't cheap when compared to Eco Styler, but it has better ingredients. Something I am learning to be more aware of as my hair grows.
Product is in, I let it set for a few while I go get ready for my day. As my hair dries I spritz with a mixture of water, castor oil, jojoba oil, and coconut oil. To me the oils help soften my hair and make it less crunchy.
If I remember I put some Jamaican Black Castor oil on my edges. Relaxers and poor braiding left front edges invisible. The Jamaican Black Castor oil has helped bring them back to life.
I've read people using regular castor oil and having good results also.
To finish I might use a "finishing spray" to make my hair shine. Some days I feel I need it, some I don't.
Once a week I wash my hair with a clarifying shampoo. My fave is
I do this once I week because I put a lot of stuff in my hair. The product builds up fast. In the last month I have been adding a deep conditioner to the mix. I haven't found one that I love. So I will have to get back to you on that.
I don't have a dryer (most deep conditioners recommend that you use while sitting under a dryer) so I use my shower cap. It is made from heavier plastic (think shower curtain) and leave on my head for 30 minutes...next time I want to leave on for an hour.
When I come home I don't comb out my curls. I put on my satin bonnet or tie with a satin scarf. Any combing that is done is usually done in the shower under water.
The collage is post two months but I look the same...just more. Shrinkage is a major problem for me. When I get length I will play with techniques on stretching.
Below is me when I used a comb. I wanted to see if I had enough hair to get braids for the winter.
(I want major props for posting that photo, lol)
I'm hoping to have my protective style (i.e. braids) soon. I will do another post then on how I care for my hair and scalp.
If you are starting out on your own hair journey remember that less is more. You can always add more product(s) but you can't take away once you have applied.
What products do you use in your haircare routine?
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